I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
