You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
