He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
