Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
