That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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