i permit you to call me
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
