I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
