I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize
