Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
