I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
