Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
