If i come over, it means nothing
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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