I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
