Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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