What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
