I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
