Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize