I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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