just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
