At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
