I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
