just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
