Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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