I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
