I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
