apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
