i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
