In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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