I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize