8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you win again, gameday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
