Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
