i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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