Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
