It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
