I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
