If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
