the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
