I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
