I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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