They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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