I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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