I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
