i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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