eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
