she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize