Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
