....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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