i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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