I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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