also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
