I can text with my tongue
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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