i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
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