Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
