i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
