Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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