is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
