I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
