I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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