I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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