he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
