There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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