we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
