Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
