Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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