is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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