he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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