some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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