It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
