I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
