Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
