she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
