That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
